To commit to memory delves into my parent’s life, particularly their conservative Evangelical traditions and how this plays out within the home. The genesis for this series was a video piece, Thank you Jesus, for what you are going to do, I made of my mom’s daily practice of planking while reciting memorized Bible verses. After completing the video in March 2020, I questioned what does it mean for me, a queer and atheist artist, to share work about deep devotion/faith? Being on different ends of the political spectrum, my parents and I constantly straddle a wide ideology chasm yet somehow, we negotiate and bridge our differences through this project. I’m interested in how the labor of looking can be a type of active listening that leads to understanding. This has led to this in-depth series looking at their complex personhood while wading through my own position.
Through photographic re-enactments, I examine domesticity, power relations, ritual, faith, aging and memory. I look at the house as a container and how it has been marked and manifested through their everyday movements, aesthetics, and use. I'm interested in both the imprint they've made on the house but also the imprint the house has made on them. What is the space of knowing? Knowing through familial relationships, knowing connected to routine and ritual, knowing in conjunction to where we spend our time. And how is this linked to our memories?
Within the series, there are four video works, an audio installation, and over 150 constructed portraits and house studies.
Each portrait is dually titled. My parents and I each developed our own caption for each photograph. The top title is my parents and mine follows.
Please email in regards to viewing the full video pieces.
Thank you Jesus, for what you are going to do. 2020 is a film by Lois Bielefeld chronicling her mother's daily planking practice while reciting her Bible memory verses. Here Sally recites the entire book of Philippians while planking for over 13 minutes. While considering deep faith and ritual Lois inquires into the parallels of physical strengthening/conditioning and memorization. Through memorization of a text what does it do for the body, mind, and spirit?
Dad and Chair. 2021 (14h:13m) This piece began at 9:07AM just after my dad came downstairs to begin the day. It chronicles one waking day in his chair from when he initially sits down to when he goes to bed at approximately 11:30PM.
In Between two mothers and two daughters. 2021 Lois digs into her mother’s daily scripture memorization practice through a quest to find a personal text to memorize. In mimicking her mom’s practice Lois strives to understand what memorization of a text does for the self. Following other threads of knowing such as attempting to play a Bach Sonata after 25 years or climbing her childhood tree Lois examines the act of doing, inscribing on the mind, and embodied knowledge through different forms of understanding self, memory, and one’s personal history.
Inheritance: the space between breathes. Recitation #13. 2021 is the 13th attempt to recite Juliana Spahr’s untitled poem from thisconnectionofeveryonewithlungs. Through mimicking Lois’s mom’s daily practice of memorization Lois repeatedly attempts to understand through memorization and inscription of a text on the self.
Lawn in process. We had a lawn-care company handle the creeping Charlie but now it looks even worse. Hopefully the grass seed will grow.
I remember when Dad had an electric lawn mower and had to manage the orange cord around the yard. He’d have either my brother or me run ahead of him to pick up the sticks.
House Study #38
House Study #39
A living room picnic is good time management. We burn our confidential papers and bills to help create dessert.
There was always a bag we called burnable garbage that sat under the dish towels. Dad would bring in wood stored in the garage that was from trimming the tree in the backyard, and mom would get one of the burnable garbage bags. We’d have a roaring fire, get sticky with toasted marshmallows, and sing hymns or carols.
House Study #10
House Study #14
We work together on laundry day. Sometimes Eric misses some spots when sorting the laundry. He started helping me sort laundry when he retired. I do the spot removal.
I remember laundry day was always a whole day affair. I think I helped sometimes. I liked using toothbrushes for stain removal, and my mom had all sorts of tricks like Aqua Net hairspray for getting rid of pen marks. I was grossed out by the soaking pails, and how cold and murky the water was.
House Study # 61
When Lois visits she stays in her old room. I just finished showering, and I sat down to talk with her. I’m so happy she’s home.
The walls and ceiling of my room were wallpapered in National Geographic photos. Slowly over the years they fell down. Once I tried to help by taking a bunch down, and my mom cried. I think I understand now, as I feel a hole daily since my daughter moved out in 2018.
House Study #17
One of the first steps of working on the grocery list is looking for good coupons available for the week. One super deal is when you get $16 off an order of $160. We try to have plenty of groceries that week to get the deal.
Dad always did the grocery shopping because of Mom’s partial sight. It was such a treat when I got to go along. I liked to find spots on the bottom shelf that were open to sit in. Dad would also let me stand on the front of the cart while he pushed me around. Most importantly he’d let me pick out a goodie that we’d eat in the car before going home. Little Debbie Nutty Buddys were my favorite. But sometimes I felt like a Hostess Fruit Pie.
We occasionally sing hymns together. This time we sang “Go Tell It on the Mountain” and “Great Is Thy Faithfulness.” We even did an improv riff of “Amazing Grace” to Eric playing “House of the Rising Sun.”
What I miss most from my upbringing during my formative years in the church is community singing. There’s something about everyone singing together that I ache for as an atheist.
House Study #105
I try to remember to water the lawn daily after having it seeded. As a kid, I had to help my dad with the yard work. The yard was five acres. One time he cut down some of the woods, and I had to drag all the branches through a field and up a hill.
I was so proud I could climb up this tree that I made it my secret hangout spot. My friend Joe couldn’t climb the tree but my other friend Caroline could. Caroline and I made potions, and discovered them in a secret door high up in the tree while Joe heard about it from the ground. I think there were painted gold rocks involved too.
House Study #31
Over the years, I’ve learned that visiting with repairmen gives me tips for keeping a 1927 house functional. The plumber taught me techniques for sink drain maintenance.
My parents never taught me to be handy. I never used a drill, changed a tire, or installed anything when I was younger. I did learn how to do my own laundry, cook, and sew. I remember being jealous that Dad and my brother made rubber-band guns.
House Study #1
House Study #2
The most nutritious part, 2020
Sequence of 24 photographs
The most nutritious part, 2020
3 from sequence of 24 photographs
I look at the trees and realize I will have many more rakings after this one.
My dad is a huge James Bond fan. I remember seeing Octopussy in the theater when it was released and having clown nightmares after. We’ve had many a discussion about the epic chase scenes and which Bond was best.
It was wonderful that Lois could share my 73rd birthday with me and Eric. I just wish that Dan and Lydia could have been here. Lois made the table beautiful for celebrating. Even with partial sight, I do see and appreciate beauty, design, and color.
On mom’s 73rd birthday, she requested Cinnabons with extra frosting. I procured them at Mayfair Mall. On my birthday, Mom always calls me, and as I answer the phone she immediately launches into singing “Happy Birthday” to me. If I can’t answer, she sings it for my voice mail. I love that she does this.
I enjoy shoveling the front steps and the sidewalk. It’s not nearly as challenging as riding the exercise bike, but I can multitask by getting exercise while I shovel. I hope to get an hour workout. I thank God I’m healthy enough to do this.
After living in California for the past two years, I realized how much the four seasons are embedded in my comprehension of time. I didn’t live there long enough to really be aware of the nuanced seasons.
House Study #111
When I was young I always wanted to be a full-time homemaker. And I wanted 12 children. Then I married Eric, and God blessed us with two children. We would have liked more, but are very grateful for both Dan and Lois. It was wonderful to have a boy and a girl. I love and appreciate both of them. We miss being able to see more of each of them. I pray faithfully for them every day.
Since I became an adult, I’ve always felt like I was looking in from the outside on my parents — only seeing through a limited framework. I wonder how much of that was due to the boundaries I built.
House Study #43
Installation Pictures from To commit to memory exhibition at Portrait Society Gallery Sept 17- Nov 13, 2021.